THE LITTLE OLD LADY AND THE BET
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day,carrying a
bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of
the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After
much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the
president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then
asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and
dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course
curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm
surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets?
What kind of bets?"The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you
$25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a
stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So,
would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000
that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but
since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at
10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a
long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side
to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was
sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he
would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little
old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced
the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the
president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the
old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president
complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if
she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot
of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he
noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The
president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 am today,
I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."
you have to get 'em both hot before
you stick the meat in.
why is a penis like a rubik's cube?
the more you play with it the harder it gets.
your momma is so nasty i called her for
phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.....
how do homosexuals fake
an orgasm?
they spit on each others back.
Did you hear the Dallas Cowboys
want to hire tejano singer Emilio.
For what??
they're looking for a new kicker.
Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
staring into their drinks.
One gets a curious look on his face and asks, "Hey, Pete,
you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?"
"Yep. I been married to one for fifteen years!"
drink and they were trying to convince a married friend that he
should come, too.
"I can't," the man said, "my wife would kill me." After 15 minutes
of persuasion by his friends he finally caves in and goes. Later,
looking at his watch, he realizes that it is midnight and he still
has not gone home. He immediately rushes home trying to figure a
way out of the trouble he's in.
Upon his arrival, he walks into the bedroom and sees his wife's
legs sticking out of the covers. "I know!!!" he thinks to himself
and he crawls in between his wife's legs under the covers and
performs oral sex on her until she is *satisfied*.
"That should do it," he thinks and he walks into the bathroom to
wash his face. He turns on the light and THERE IS HIS WIFE,...
sitting on the toilet!!!
"What are you doing in here?" he impatiently screams.
"SSShhhhhh! she says, "You'll wake your mother!!!!!"
Pepper spray will do that to you!
rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender
who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she
seductively signals that he should bring his face
close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently
caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his
face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him..."
she purrs, running her hands up beyond his beard and
into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender, clearly
aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she
continues alluringly, popping a couple of fingers into
his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"Tell him there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."